Coping With A Loss
Helping Children Cope with
Death
Children's concerns are sometimes similar,
sometimes different from those of adults.
However, because the adults around them
are grieving too, children's needs and
concerns may go unaddressed. Some
responses that children might have to death
include the following:
- Separation anxiety -- will they lose other
loved ones? Will someone take care of
them?
- Magical thinking -- are they responsible
for the illness or death because of something
they did or did not do, felt or did not
feel?
- Meaning of death -- will the dead person
return. (Comparisons of death to sleep can
lead to fears about sleeping.)
- Physical problems - such as bed wetting
or nightmares.
- Behavioral problems -- decline in school
performance, sullenness, refusal to be left
alone.
A child whose loved one has died needs
honest, open, reassuring answers, and a
chance to pose questions in a secure
environment. Parents who are afraid to
share their pain or cry with children may
need help from others in assisting children
to express themselves. It is important to
include children in the mourning
process.
Their participation in commemorative
rituals -- funerals or other memorial
ceremonies -- can give them a place to
mourn. In addition, it can be a comfort to
be with children and learn from their
different perspective on the grief
process.
