HIV POSITIVE  Caretakers
Coping With A Loss

Grief Takes Time

Many of us dislike hearing the words "it takes time" because we want relief now. There is no timetable for grief, however, and usually no smooth progression through predictable stages. The experience changes again and again along the way. It is important to be reasonable with yourself and allow time to grieve and adjust. Some people put unrealistic limits on grieving, for example, that you should be "done" in one year. There are no rules. Generally, people progress and then fall back. This is a natural part of the process. Experiencing pain, sadness and other feelings seems essential, although there are individual differences in how these feelings are experienced.

"I somehow thought that when a year passed, I'd feel so different, that mourning would be complete. It is different now, I've come to accept that she's gone, and the reminders of her around me don't hurt as much ... but some things are harder now than when she died. And I think people expect me to be fine now."

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